Virginia Ocho Cinco

Wrigleyville, I love you but I think it’s time we break up. We’ve had a blast these last few years but, truth be told, I just want to get home within a reasonable time after leaving work, but despite my best efforts, I can never seem to beat those rabid Cubs “fans” to the punch. Shit! All I am asking is to be able to leave the office, walk to the “L” station and get on the first train that stops. Ah, but alas, I wait for the fourth of fifth train that could possibly have enough for my badunk to shimmy into.

OK, so this isn't about the CTA, but don't worry. I'm still black and angry as all shit. So it has been finger blasted all over the news this week that the annual Chicago South Side Irish Parade has been permanently canceled, and I’ll be the first to say it’s about damn time! At this year’s parade, alone, more police officers were assaulted than at a N.W.A concert. I am so sick of white people puking and punching all over the south side every year while trying to claim it as their own. Black people can’t have shit!

Well, it’s official Ladies and Sperms. Mayor Daley announced this week that the new CEO of Chicago Public Schools is going to be the old jerk face President of the Chicago Transit Authority, Ron Huberman. Hey Richie Rich, good call guy! Seriously, and I’m not saying this to be an ass, but while you are making a horrible decision that will undoubtedly affect the lives of millions of innocent children in Chicago, you are quite possibly un-fucking up the CTA.

Dear Virginia,

I read your article about the rumored fare hike and then it actually happened. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the Brown Spot is all fake, right?

Millions of Americans are concerned about the state of the national economy and rightfully so. Hard working citizens are losing their homes, cars and hookers left and right. This just isn’t fair at all. What’s worse is that I believe we Chicagoans are in for a GD mass transit fare hike. Ugh!

Dear Mr. I Don’t Have To Move Out of the Way for Anyone,
It is my understanding that you’re a big fucking deal. Always have been, always will be. I get it. But, dude, you have to work with us here. MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY! Next time you see 20 people try to get on a train during rush hour do us all a favor and pull your head out of your ass for one second to, idk, go to hell.

My 40 minute commute to work is so god-awful that I’d just as well shit myself for sheer entertainment than sit, nay, stand through this torture. I hate having to look at the same miserable faces time and time again wondering how many drinks it would take for me to hook up with them. Most of the time my answer to that question is simple… just one.