South Side to Irish: Go Back to Where You Came From

OK, so this isn't about the CTA, but don't worry. I'm still black and angry as all shit. So it has been finger blasted all over the news this week that the annual Chicago South Side Irish Parade has been permanently canceled, and I’ll be the first to say it’s about damn time! At this year’s parade, alone, more police officers were assaulted than at a N.W.A concert. I am so sick of white people puking and punching all over the south side every year while trying to claim it as their own. Black people can’t have shit! You get on your rented school busses and you bring your lily white asses into our neighborhood with your green beer. What the hell is the point of green beer anyway?!!
 
I don’t even know how chugging green beer and shitting chartreuse for a week pays homage to St. Patrick. The most disturbing thing is that the majority of the people who attend this parade really believe that he used a fucking pan flute to rid ALL of Ireland of actual snakes. Jerk faces. Pardon my being frank, but you don’t see black folks breaking Hennessey and 40 bottles in the streets on Martin Luther King’s birthday. Mostly because that’s the only day of the year that we actually practice nonviolence, but that’s not the point. I mean we can’t clear our throats on the north side without people looking at us like we robbed the Gold Crown.
 
Everyone has their own idea as to what the new tradition should be. Some people want to have a huge St. Patrick’s Day Mass, but you can’t really take your Bud Light pounders to Church. Others think that holding St. Patrick’s Day themed events at museums would be fitting, but you’ll probably be frowned upon if you show up wasted and start making out with strangers. What I really want is for Irish people to stop crying about being the “negro” of the white race. Cry me a river you fire-crotched fuck. It’s time that this race war between the yuppie and gritty Irish to come to an end. The whole lot of you should be able to puke, piss and shit all up and down the Chicago River… together… hand in hand… as one cracker nation.