Cheney Outed as Weekend DJ
in
Less than one month away from surrendering his vice-presidency to a new administration, Dick Cheney has been engaged in more than just a recent press tour.
According to several reports from across the US, the Vice President takes weekend excursions to major cities and moonlights as a DJ, always arriving unannounced, usurping DJs mid show, and forming his own unique blend of dance music late into the night.
Well over 200 club-goers witnessed his antics in Chicago last Saturday at Wax, a trendy club in Lincoln Park. Three secret service agents stopped the music, removed the DJ, and handed the turntables over to Cheney who quickly traded his glasses for a pair of dark shades. “I am now ‘DJ I Roq Freed’m,’ here to liberate you from the tyranny of boredom,” Cheney announced. “And I order you to shake your asses.” Cheney then christened his set with “B.O.B” by Outkast.
Following an exhausting five straight hours of music—highlighted by a mashup dubbed “Stairway to Palin”—the Brown Spot managed to intercept the former CEO of Halliburton and inquire of his new DJ fascination.
“Well, I started off in Guantanamo, playing every other weekend. Back then I was calling myself 'Gitmo Boogie' and spinning at this underground place we called The Disco. It was all experimental kinda stuff, everyone there’s totally open-minded, not bogged down by conventions and the typical rules of dance music. You just play whatever you want. And that’s what got me way into mashups, creating these edgy tracks like 'Near/Far,' which combines sound clips from Sesame Street and 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails. And our soldiers really dug it, which was great. A few even played my stuff for some of the prisoners over there and they couldn’t stop listening, which was just humbling for me. There’s all these stories about prisoners staying up all night listening to my mixes on repeat, as loud as possible, day in, day out. They really loved it. That’s when I knew I had to branch out and test my skills domestically.”
The foremost impediment to Cheney’s weekend diversions remains his responsibilities to the White House. Yet, ever the shrewd politician, he offered an alternative challenge specific to his new line of (unpaid) work.
“Last month, at this downtown joint, I played Stevie Wonder’s 'Superstitious,' and you know people were flowing, grooving, dancing around. Then I put on Air Supply. Caught a lot of flack for that. And that’s fine. But I stand by it. I don’t care what other people say, it was a success. Absolutely, it was a success. I did the right thing. I went into that club, played 'All Out of Love,' and it was the right song for the right time, there’s no denying it. And the audience is better off now than they were before I played it. I wouldn’t change a thing and I think, when I play my next gig in Iran, I might do it again.”
