David Blaine To Watch David Blaine In Ultimate Test of Human Endurance
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David Blaine, the controversial “street magician,” announced plans to view non-stop footage of his past stunts, continuously, for 120 hours, culminating with twelve-hours of Blaine watching himself watch himself via a live feed. This ambitious project, tentatively called “Death Tube” pits Blaine against what most people believe to be the ultimate test of human endurance: watching David Blaine.
“This is by far his most dangerous stunt yet,” commented Blaine’s personal physician Dr. Harold Singer. “It’s not so much the over-exposure to television, which definitely has serious side-effects, but the fact that watching and listening to David Blaine is possibly the most intensely boring activity one can experience. Our brains simply can’t handle that kind of under-stimulation for prolonged periods of time.”
Speaking with his signature monotone delivery, the Guinness World Record holder addressed the small crowd of spectators.
“Even to an experienced endurance artist like myself, this endeavor could prove fatal. I am taking all necessary medical and mental precautions to minimize health risks. Luckily, my mind and body are already quite damaged from previous ventures. I think this, rather than the fact no one else would dare attempt a similar feat, will prove to be my greatest asset.” He then appeared to fall into a trance and stare blankly into the distance before adding, “Blaine must rest now.”
The media pressed Bob Furlough, a spokesman for NBC, on the company’s decision to air the David Blaine stunt. “Look, I agree. His projects are irrelevant, pedestrian, and, in my opinion, exercises in pure tedium. Honestly, if David hadn’t somehow stuffed my wedding ring in a Coke bottle, I wouldn’t be here defending him today. But that doesn’t mean what he does isn’t great TV. It’s magic, guys.”
Norm Chalmers, 46, disagreed with Furlough’s endorsement.
“Man, fuck David Blaine. He don’t impress me. Endurance ain’t no magic trick. You wanna to see endurance? Try working 60-hours a week for 15 years without a vacation. Shit. I’d spend a weekend in an ice-cube if it meant I could take a fucking nap.”
To train for the event, Blaine is reportedly viewing archived footage of the XFL and the last season of Frasier.
NBC will broadcast the final hour of Blaine’s “Death Tube” stunt live on Monday, December 15, following an episode of Heroes in which more characters are introduced to distract from an increasingly thin plotline.
