Hundreds Rally In Support Of Packing Industry Reform
![Lester J. Jones](http://brownspotonline.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/Author/photos/Fat guy.jpg "Lester J. Jones is a renowned Chicago-based aural artist and critical analyst. In addition to his highly-acclaimed electro-acoustic exhibitions and his pioneering work in hyper-sonic muzak, Mr. Jones is also president of the American Foundation for Music Criticism. His forthcoming book, "Cram This In Your Ear Hole," is a collection of his writings for the Brown Spot.")
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Hundreds of protestors filled Daley Plaza to demand legislation regulating hemorrhoid cream packaging. At issue is the similarity between the way hemorrhoid creams and toothpastes are packaged. Protestors advocated large pump bottles for dispensing hemorrhoid cream.
“When it’s 7 a.m. and my mouth already tastes like Icehouse and KY, I don’t want to reach into my medicine cabinet and put the wrong cream on my toothbrush!” shouted march organizer Susan LaGrande. “When it’s the end of a long day and my piles are inflamed and burning, I don’t want to reach into my medicine cabinet and slather my anus with minty freshness!” she yelled into a bullhorn as the crowd began to chant, “2, 4, 6, 8, now it’s time to legislate.”
Protestor Robert “Butch” Harmon explained, “It’s a part of the civil rights struggle. What about the blind, who can’t see which tube of cream they’re using? These people have rights too, like the right to put the proper ointment in the proper orifice.”
“The time for change is now!” exhorted LaGrande before the teeming crowd. “We have elected a Muslim president and we have the first female Secretary of State. The winds of change are blowing across this great nation, and the time has come for the hemorrhoid cream packing industry to be held accountable for their actions,” she shouted.
Recent research has demonstrated a link between the oral application of phenylephrine, the active ingredient in most hemorrhoid creams, and severe halitosis. Industry executives, however, dispute these claims. “Preparation H has a wide range of applications, from reducing gum inflammation to healing facial acne,” said drug maker Wyeth in a statement released yesterday.
The Mayor’s office could not be reached for comment.
