I Can't Wait to Bang me some International Hookers once the Olympics get here
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That’s a nice new TV you got there. How long did you have to save up for it? I've been saving up for a big purchase too. No, not a new TV or a new computer. I've been putting away a quarter a day for the last two years in order to host an international summit between my penis and shit ton of international whores. Why you ask? Because the Olympics are coming, you silly billy!
Chicago, you’re an amazing town with phenomenal talent. But I have grown bored of Craigslist hookers and the girls at North and Elston don’t let me bang them anymore after I tried to pay them in “Hawaiian dollars.” I tried to hook up with some homeless chicks but its hard to tell if they’re hot or not underneath their armor or filth and disease. That’s why I can’t wait for the Olympics to come to Chicago. Not only is it fun to watch our 12 year old boys and girls kick the shit out of kids from poor countries, but you can safely masturbate to programming that borders on child pornography (Gymnastics anyone?).
If you know anything about the Olympics it’s that it brings an incredible amount of international flavor to its host city. And wherever the money and culture goes, the sex trade is never far behind. And not the normal US brand sex trade, I’m talking dirty euro trash. So bringing the Olympic Games to the great city of Chicago would sure help satisfy my addiction to hookers.
Most Americans tend to enjoy a good book on the lake instead of a poop on their chest. What the fuck, America? We’re supposed to be the land of the free! If we’re so free then I should be able to masturbate as I walk down the street and the lucky winner who happens to be by me as I climax shouldn’t be able to have me arrested for a littering or whatever the fuck their lawyer is charging me with.
The Olympics coming to Chicago is totally going to make my summer the best summer since “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” That movie fucking sucked but I touched my first boob, so I have fond memories of that moment. Imagine the new grade of hooker that will arrive with the Olympics! These girls, guys and trannies are here to satisfy the sexual needs of the most perverted of countries. Think about the dirtiest sexual act you can imagine. Pretty hot, right? So take that image and try to compare it to what someone from Mongolia considers ‘fucked up.’ They bang snowwomen over there for god’s sakes. I bet once these new hookers get here I’ll finally be able to fuck a monkey on a bear skin rug while another monkey video tapes it.
I wish I could help you carry your new TV, and sorry for making you stand there and listen to me blab on about my love of foreign tail. That thing looks heavy. Anyway, thanks for shopping at Best Buy. I can help the next in line now. Wow, what a nice new camera you have there, little girl. How long did you save up for that? You know, I’ve been putting away a quarter a day for 2 years now…
