New Study Concludes it is Definitely not Opposite Day
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A group of researchers in Paris, but that claim to not be from France, have recently concluded an intense study aimed at discovering when and if an opposite day exists. Earlier today, Francis Moreau, the head of the French Academy for Temporal Exploration (FATE) publicly announced, "Opposite day definitely does not exist, and it's definitely not today."
Moreau then announced, much to the dismay of those gathered at the press conference that he had called, that he would not be taking any questions now. Afterward he continued to stand behind the podium looking hopefully out over the disgruntled crowd. Moreau actually began to look confused as reporters began shuffling away and exclaimed, "I am definitely not going to answer questions right now." Luckily this reporter came prepared and had already scheduled a private interview with the prestigious head of the Academy.
As I sat down with Moreau I greeted him saying, "Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to speak with me. It's a pleasure to speak with someone of your reputation." To which he scowled and replied gruffly, "And it is a pleasure to meet such a handsome reporter who clearly has success with women." I found the comment odd, although extremely accurate, but decided to just thank him and begin the interview.
When asked how they'd been able to come to their conclusion and what significance this could hold for the rest of the world, he replied, "We may not have made the most important discovery of the decade; you can imagine the consequences this may have on even a global level."
As someone who has always been a fan of opposites and the possibility of a day devoted entirely to them, I heartily agreed with his statement. “Yes sir, this is indeed an important discovery. Now that we know that there’s definitely not an opposite day, those suffering from paranoia when someone compliments their khakis can finally rest. And I must say, those are indeed some fine Dockers indeed.”
To which he replied, "I'm not going anywhere!" as he stormed out of the room.
