Pedestrians: Watch for Falling Prices Around Chicago’s Tallest Building, Wal-Mart Tower
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Falling prices have always been the norm for the Wal-Mart franchises. Now, Chicago residents will have to be extra observant of the gained velocity as prices are failing from the soaring height of 1,730 feet from the new Wal-Mart Tower, formerly the Sears Tower.
Wal-Mart’s prices may always be low, always, but there’s nothing low about the franchise’s near ownership of the Sears Tower. Wal-Mart is negotiating with Sears Tower owner Joseph Chetrit of the Chetrit Group to purchase the nation’s tallest skyscraper.
While Chetrit cherishes the importance of owning the iconic skyscraper, he cites current economic woes as part of the push to put the tower up for sale.
“My 401(k) has plummeted and I have to do something to make money,” said Chetrit. “Plus, I might get a Wal-Mart gift card out of the deal, which would be sweet for Christmas shopping.”
At a rally outside City Hall, Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott Jr. announced that an architect is working on plans for a Supercenter to occupy the first three floors of the tower. The Supercenter will include a discount salon “Maria Tracochee”, the “Pearl Necklace” jewelry chain store, Four Hand’s employment office “Four Hand Jobs”, “Smooth Up In Ya” smoothie parlor, and Jimmy Smits hat store “Jimmy Hats.”
Scott also announced that the new Wal-Mart will be the testing location for any new concepts.
Scott is also weighing the option of all employees in the building donning the trademark Wal-Mart blue vest, complete with flair, regardless of being a checkout chief or a 44th floor accountant.
“Why should a Wal-Mart in the nation’s tallest building be any different from a Wal-Mart in small town U.S.A.?” asked Scott. “When you walk through the entrance of Chicago’s tallest building, Wal-Mart Tower, I want you to be greeted and frisked by homeless people, mentally handicapped residents and senior citizens that have come out of retirement just like any other location,” said Scott. He also added that tourists will have the option to purchase Streetwise at a discounted price.
Mayor Daley is a supporter of the Wal-Mart takeover. Daley has expressed that he would like Wal-Mart to consider relocating the Children’s Museum to the building and opening up a casino on the top floors.
“How great would that be? You can bring the entire family, drop the kids off at the Children’s Museum, go gambling and do all your shopping in one building,” said Daley. “If they don’t want the Children’s Museum it must be because Mr. Scott is against poor black, white and Hispanic children in their building.”
Wal-Mart is planning on a gimmick similar to K-Mart’s blue light special. The building will have fire drills that require all occupants to exit the tower several times a day. Bins with discounted items will be set up along Adams and Jackson Boulevard.
“I believe the civilians in the building will evacuate faster to get a good deal than in actual emergency conditions, which makes for a great practice run,” said Fire Commissioner John W. Brooks. “I just hope there are still 3-dollar lace panties left for me buy.”
The Sears Tower was completed in 1973. At that time Sears, Roebuck & Co. was the largest retailer in the world. In early 2009 the building may again be named after the largest retailer in the world, Wal-Mart.
