Chauncy’s Five Drunken Thoughts of the Week (post-sex edition)

These are things I recently discovered you should not say shortly
after sexual intercourse:

5.) “Ohhh fuck, I forgot to mow the lawn today.”

4.) “Do you remember Steve Urkel’s attractive doppelganger?”

3.) “Do you think there will be sad-faced clowns at Michael Jackson’s
funeral? If so, might one or two of them serve as pallbearers?”

2.) “Apple slices with peanut butter spread seemed delicious about 30
seconds ago, but now I feel soiled; I think I’ll take a shower in lieu
of fixing up a healthy snack.”

1.) “Did you pick up quarters for the washing machine today? I
certainly hope so because I used all of mine yesterday on Pinball
Pete’s arcade games and strangers’ expired parking meters.”