Angsty Teenagers Conduct Pilgramage to Shermer, Illinois, Become More Depressed when They Discover Shermer is Fictional

Since the 1980s, teenagers have found solace in the works of John Hughes. From “Sixteen Candles” to “Home Alone,” John Hughes has created a wonderful world of angst and loneliness in the Chicago suburb of Shermer, Illinois. Several generations have spent years epitomizing Shermer as their sanctuary.
 
With John Hughes' 59th birthday coming up in February, legions of teenagers (who have watched his films for as long as they’ve been listening to The Smiths) are deciding to celebrate their savior's birth early by making a pilgrimage to Shermer. I took a moment to talk with a few of the travelers while they were wandering down Belmont.

"I can't wait to go to Shermer," Alexander Beckett told me as he flicked his bangs out of his eyes. "I've loved the movie ‘Pretty in Pink’ for as long as I can remember. I have a strong, emotional connection with Duckie. I feel like he's the only one who knows what it's like to have an unrequited love for someone." He picked his fingers through his artfully disheveled, dyed jet-black hair and shuffled away.

Next, I spoke with a girl who introduced herself only as "Myspace dot com slash sorrows." "I first saw ‘Sixteen Candles’ on the day before my sixteenth birthday. It was so quintessential and perfect. My 21st birthday is approaching, and I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than to go to Shermer and quote Samantha by saying 'When you don't have anything, you don't have anything to lose. Right?' It will make me feel so real, so alive, so--" I walked away from her before she could finish.

Next I spoke with William Ross, an avid fan of “The Breakfast Club.” “I just saw ‘The Breakfast Club’ two weeks ago, and I think it's so breathtakingly amazing.” He took a pause to pull his Fall Out Boy hoodie tighter around him. “John Hughes is my new idol. I only hope that someday I can affect as many hearts and souls with my poetry and photography as John Hughes has with his movies.”

As I saw all of these emo kids clad in skinny jeans and copious amounts of eyeliner awkwardly shuffle their feet around the streets of Chicago, I couldn't muster the heart to tell them that they were searching for a completely fictional Chicago suburb. Their search for Shermer would be as fruitful as their search for true happiness and a perfect pair of Converse.

I went inside a Starbucks for an hour or so to sit and wait for their imminent return. Two of the voyagers ventured into the Starbucks approximately 45 minutes after I spoke to William Ross, and after they ordered their low-fat caramel French vanilla mocha lattes, I conversed with them.

“I guess we could have Googled it first,” Autumn Fallon told me between sobs. “Or, like, checked Wikipedia. We were just looking forward to visiting Shermer so much that we forgot to Mapquest where it was.”

Fallon’s friend, Carlos Gordon, gave her a hug and turned to me. “Well, I guess we can always just go to the Chicago Art Institute and see ‘Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte,’ the painting that Cameron stared at in ‘Ferris Beuler's Day Off.’ That was such a beautiful scene.”

If you say so, Carlos.