I Just Want To Be Thanked For the Amazing B.J.

So I'm on the rag, and I could tell the whole week of nonsexical action was making my boyfriend, Andy, pretty tense. So before we went to bed the other night, I gave him a pretty fucking awesome blow jay. And you bet your ass I did a damn good job. I've been bulking up on the Cosmo and downing extra doses of boysfood.com, so I had a whole new set of tricks up my slutty little sleeve. Instead of falling back on the usual routine of chickenheading like a porno piston, I used no hands, tossed his salad like a champion Portillo's saladmaker, rubbed my hands all over his bod like a homeless carwasher at Midway and yeah, you know I deep throated that shit so good that my brain hurt from the dicktip puncture wounds.

So what did Andy do after he grunted like crazy and came like a sailor? That's right, ladies - he mumbled incoherently and drifted off to a dreamy, sexually satisfied slumber. Sure, yes, there was the obligatory, nightly routine of "Good night and I love you." But this cum-guzzling penis whore couldn't help but feel slighted after the performance of a lifetime.

What more did I need besides the peace of knowing I pleasured m'man with my dick-sucking lips? Well, it's simple. After happily going down on the guy and slurping up his load, you'd think a girl riding the crimson wave could get even a sliver of the "thank you" pie. But nope!

You're probably thinking, "That's it?" Yeah, that's it. Refreshing, huh? What, did you actually think I'd make him go down on me while my vag is like the opening elevator scene in "The Shining?" Naaah, I wouldn't make it him do that. (Although he would most definitely get bonus boner points. I mean, I use a crimson dam so it's not like he'd be red-wingin' it. And I keep her preeetty tidy down there while the Aunt decides to stay in town for a few days, so it'd be like any other run-of-the mill pearl dive except there'd be no tongue-fucking or fingerbanging. Which I can deal with.)

I don't know if Andy, or a lot of guys really, know that a girl can really appreciate a heartfelt "merci" post mouth-fucking.

It's just plain courtesy, you know? Like, "Waiter, thanks for the water," or "Mom, thanks for the brownies," or "Babe, thanks for the intensely incredible, mind-blowing fellatio fest." Your mama taught you manners, right? Well this is no exception.

It's really simple, dudes. We aren't asking for drippy serenades, sappy sonnets, or a lavishly tropical vaycay (although those WOULD be pretty badass and will probably get you some serious poon and possibly a free ride to the Hershey highway). I mean, blowing nut is an inherently thankless job anyway. Why not make it a little sweeter for your lady with two little words that can get you a long way? I don't know about the rest of you penis-sucking gals out there, but just a little bit of appreciative reward can get me jonesin' for the next round of knob gobbling.