Obama Threatens to Wipe Al-Qaida from Face of Earth Before Taking Office
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I get one of your cell phones, what a marvelous invention, like walkie talkie but so much smaller and plays music. And reach much farther, I able to call brother in Morocco like he is in right outside. What amazing technology! In Morocco we have to walk to next town to find pay phone; here you carry phone booth in your pocket.
Sharif say terrorist groups falling on hard times – al-Qaida and Hamas and all the others. Nobody want to be terrorist now that Obama president. I think is a wonderful thing now that I am American. He say just like American economy, al-Qaida facing bankruptcy. They were sure John McCain would seize power so his regime can avenge his father's loss in Vietnam the same way George Bush II avenge the loss of his father in Iraq War I. I understand this; my father want to come to America but they send him back for gout, I make it in. Too bad he is not here to see our dream fulfilled as son becomes African-American.
George Bush II say we jealous of your freedoms but if Obama can be president, then what to be jealous of? We can all be American. Our children can grow up to be president instead of blowing themselves up. This war was started on false premise and just like you, we are embarrassed to have been led to war by our own village idiot, Mr. Bin Laden.
When I was child, we would want to grow up to be America, go to school there. Then after George Bush I, they say they want to be terrorist, and after George Bush II they say I want to go on suicide mission, I so miserable. Like emo kids you have here but they are much more successful at suicide, very messy too. Now kids back to saying they want to be American, wait in long lines to work in the Old Navy factory here just for opportunity to make textiles for you.
George Bush II say we hate America, and we did when paleface like him run country, but now young colorful man named Hussein (even if middle name) run country, everyone want to come over and be part of it. Not much to fight over anymore. They try to get someone to go on suicide mission for Pakistan, usually everyone raise their hand, fight for their right to jihad. Now, no hands. They say "I have brother Hussein, how can I attack another Hussein?" None of them want to make Mr. Obama look bad, they think by not attacking, make George Bush I and II look like more of a penis head. Even women see Hillary Clinton, your new ambassador, and they want to wear the pants suit, too! Soon I'm sure they will ask for jobs outside the house. Sharif reminds his wife that Hillary didn't mind her husband having sex with another woman at his job, so maybe this isn't such a bad thing for the men. And if Obama can make nice with Hillary after their fight for power, and as your wedding expression goes, "reach across the aisle" to have republican guards in his party, maybe one day he will keep a Muslim in his cabinet.
I am sure if Miss Clinton brings the heads of the two Bush men to the United Nations, all can be resolved. This is customary in Africa when tribe overthrows leader, it says to other tribes, "We didn't like this guy either, we can be friends now please." It will save many lives for everyone. These Bushes are less popular in your country than they are in Middle East, George Bush I harder to find than Osama Bin Laden now. Maybe they are hiding together in your Area 51?
It is time for us to make peace. Vietnamese and Korean food very popular, there is no reason Middle Eastern food can’t now be like this. This will be very profitable for your shepherds of lamb. You are good friends with British even though you lead intifada against them and commit many terrorist acts like Boston Tea Party. You even make peace with Confederacy by letting them run Abraham Lincoln's party, what a noble and forgiving people you are.
You American people amaze me. You have mightiest army in the world but you have castrated terrorist organizations all over with the power of your democracy. I know is good army, strong weapons you like to use, but Albert Einstein and his A-bomb are nothing compared to this O-bomb-a you drop on the world (see, I make joke with his name, I am becoming so American!). No one wants to fight you no more. The world is back to wanting your McDonalds and Coca-Cola. I am very proud to be American.
