Pending his Decision on his Preferred Brand of Tampon, Brett Favre may Cease Menstruating Altogether
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Brett Favre, former quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, Green Bay Packers and New York Jets and current avid fan of menstruation, still has yet to decide which type of tampon he truly prefers. And, if he can’t get this figured out soon, he may throw in the rag and just quit menstruating altogether.
Favre has been sampling a whole slew of tampons to aid his massive menstruation for almost 19 years now, but he’s still just not sure of which way he wants to go. If he doesn’t decide soon, he may act on his threats to experience yet another painful menopause, which would save him from that painful surgery.
“The Tampax Pearl certainly has inviting packaging, but I just don’t know if they deliver enough beyond that,” said Favre. “The real question here folks is: Who can help me deliver the ideal period? The answer to that remains to be seen.”
Favre has been menstruating professionally for nearly two full decades, but he’s just never been a fan of putting on the pads. And late in last year, he thinks he may have ripped a few muscles (down there), which certainly slows the tampon selection process.
“For years I was an O.B. guy,” said Favre. “They were comfortable and discreet, and environmentally friendly. And y’all know how I like being green. But hell, I may be ready to switch to the Kotex. That purple applicator might just suit my down home style.”
Favre, who has been borderline menopausal for about five years now and was fully menopausal in both 2007 and 2008, has been known to jump right back on the menstruation wagon anytime he starts feeling guilty for quitting early. Former teammates aren’t surprised by his change of heart.
“I always knew that Brett had it in him; his heart bleeds for this,” said former Packers teammate Antonio Freeman. “I just can’t see him giving it up just yet, even if he hasn’t found the perfect fit.”
But not everyone is supportive of Favre’s decision to possibly return to the womanly world of shedding his uterine walls on a monthly basis in preparation for possible conception.
“He’s menopausal, he’s un-menopausal. He retires from menstruation, he un-retires,” said Packers coach Mike McCarthy. “Brett Favre is just once again being a little bitch. And personally, I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die, anyway.”
