Can a Writer Be Sure the Editor Actually Likes an Idea When Their Site Has a Section for Failed Ideas?

As far as I’ve been led to believe, an editor is there to help guide and direct a piece of writing to become the best it can be. But what if your editor has ulterior motives? What if they have a section of their website reserved for FAILURE. And not only is it a section for failure, it’s a section where you can talk about how you’ve FAILED.

Imagine you’re back in high school. Sitting in your history class when the principal – let’s call him Mr. Feeney - suddenly comes asking for you. You get up and follow Mr. Feeney out into the hall and he tells you “Now I know we said you have a 3.8 grade point average, but our remedial classes aren’t full, so we kind of avoided the truth. You just slipped below a 1.2.”

So he sticks you in the school’s remedial classes with the other FAILURES at the school and closes the door. You turn around to find your new companions. No one believes that you were tricked by the principal (editor!) and don’t really belong there, but it’s no use. There are no flaws in the system; if you get thrown into that section of the school (website!) then you deserve to be there. And you might as well forget about a higher education or good job, because they’re all going to see your permanent record (portfolio!) and know how you screwed up by getting thrown into the remedial class (Stillborn section, you son of a bitch!)

So not only is your future screwed, but the first thing new students do when they enter the remedial class, is talk about how they screwed up. You get to describe your FAILURE for everyone!

And the best part?

It’s on the fucking internet, baby! Everyone gets to find out about your incredible ability to FAIL! Hoo-Fucking-Ray!

And you know what happens that night? Mr. Feeney and your editor go out for drinks after mutually capitalizing on your failure.

FAILURE CAPITALIZERS!!
(I get points for that being a play on words)

And don’t think I haven’t thought of purposefully making this article a pile of crap so it gets sent straight to the Stillborn section! In fact, I’m not entirely convinced that I haven’t done that already! I may have beaten myself to the ironic punch! And before you question it, I am very aware of the situation and know full well what irony is!

Irony is when you buy your girlfriend white roses for her birthday, only to realize that she’s allergic to roses. And that it’s actually your birthday and not hers. And that she’s colorblind so, red or white, the roses look the same.

So you have two options.

Either make the best of it and just submit to the fact that you’ll end up in that remedial class with that kid who enjoys the distinct flavor of paste. Or you can work your ass off, no matter what kind of reputation you think you have, and make sure you’re never deceived, and you never slack off, and you get your shit done, the best way you know how.
Editor’s note: C for effort, but this piece lacks vibrancy, vigor and well, life. Luckily, we have a place for this.